124 LAPS: PT I
124 pieces of music
124 pieces of art
124 miles ran
Journals / and other misc shit.
GALATIANS 6:9
I CURRENTLY AM LOOSING SLEEP CAUSE MY BROTHER IS FUCKIN HIS GIRLFRIEND AT 3AM CONSISTENTLY. STILL FINDING A LOT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
unfinished poem:
taken to shallow paths demons on the breathe of angels that i detached
where are the hail marys and long laughs i wished to have
what is it walk through the pain in gravel finding thorns hit me in the ankle
tango with the pride that got me here to wish her well
ego death and misses of the lower half i will prevail
sin dealt me the cold hand but i find grace and peace in the silence holding tight to the light to show that i ain’t hiding
shawodws scared the heart will always shed true
bold choices made in the midst of idaho winters
bold shoulders to hold the weight of what my pride had let enter
never let the past show the receipts to inflate your pride open the eyes and see how lowly is the i
mind over matter the attraction to see me gather my wine and grain open the highs and plains
leveled the field to see the lies are the same
what is love if it’s only chasing backward what is faith if you can’t carry that cross with shattered
my hearts slow to capture detached from the worlds vain
Usually with music I make soundscapes like this as it pushes me deeper into personal reflection. this is it's fruits.
a letter from 35 year old me to now,
it’s good to let conviction settle when all is confusing around you. when you tend to talk out of your ass it’s often a sign that your just overwhelmed with all the noise around you from responsibilities and pressures of amounting to your fullest potential.
even with the comments you make about exes and how the heart hurts to understand why it just never worked out. learn how your mind unfolds truth. whether exaggerated and or half lying it’s best to just center and realize where you lied and inflated so you don’t add more negative energy to the mix. but the truth of the matter is you have differing values from those you have given your heart to. allow that to be the truth. allow that to seep deep. allow that to direct your path towards finding your wife.
you can talk about the family, you can talk about the comments, the discussion or lack there of them, you can talk about what you observed but does it really help?
young buck, we got a ways to go but it’s not without learning to shut your mouth and learning that you alone get your ass smacked on the concrete for your own lack of discretion.
so be quiet. allow the pain to reveal and spiral what actually is the truth. because what you find is disheartening but amounts to burdens being lifted off. it’s truth is simple and is without a real yes or no. it simply is tears collected in bottles. warped midi and broken melody. and in it is beauty.
every man and woman has their own ways of perceiving. every person has there regrets don’t add to it. the same way you don’t wish to have others add weight to yours. false witness kills us all. that’s why it’s in the good book. aim to not be a man who has to struggle with it but is aware of it. whose hands are stretched in surrender and don’t need the answers so many let turn to demons.
let your conviction roar. it’s what gets you to the next step.
follow through with strength Nicholas.